Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
