dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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