he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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