I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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