something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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