listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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