I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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