So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
