I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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