If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
