At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
