I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
