She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
