Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
