i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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