so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
