your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
