The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Green mimosas i think yes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
