no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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