just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
