I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
