I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
