Is it because I queefed?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
