so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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