I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
