I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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