You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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