And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize