I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
