Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
