Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
