Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
