My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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