forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
