In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
