i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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