and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
