Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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