Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
