your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
