Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
time to smoke my breakfast
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
