Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize