..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need a beard to bite.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
