I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
