I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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