and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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