what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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