It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
