dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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