My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
