Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry my hands just texted you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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