my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
