Your dad touched me again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
