I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
