u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize