you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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