if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
