He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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