Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize