I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
