Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
