i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
