Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
