is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
