you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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