I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
