She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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