So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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