so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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