Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
